I was just in an earthquake, and it was AWESOME!!

Startling.

independance.
why does that word mean so much to me? why is that something i want with my whole being? the thing i covet the most?
my weakness.
the thing i fear the most in the word is to ever give someone power over me, to EVER become even slightly dependant on someone.
i hate the feeling of losing freedom. i hate it when people know too much about me. like when they know something i didnt give them permission to know.
i feel like i see life as a battle; thinking and planning and acting in a strategic way. i guess its a good thing that i can not only see what is there without the lense of bias and selfish unawareness, but i can also see what can be, what will happen, and how to get to where i want to in the best way possible.
but just because i can see doesnt mean i always do.
but i usually do make the best of things.
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probabably my most favorite thing to do is sit back and observe. its the easiest to glean information. one thing i seek after the most is understanding. but i dont want anyone to help me understand-i'd much rather figure things out on my own. because i believe that when you have gone through the process of mastering something with out someone else purposely and consciously aiding you is when you learn about yourself and you begin to see things in a different light. there is less of a chance of you missing out on something.
but nothing is more beautiful than when a group of people come together after seeking wisdom in an area and try to understand it all over again. then true knowledge is created.and with that comes new ideas. and with new ideas come new solutions. and all of that can be used to appreciate God even more ardently.
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i love the things you can discover about a person just by merely paying attention. like for instance:
my dad is in a terrible mood on cloudy days. his mood is even worse on cold and cloudy days.
when you are open about your passions, people tend to like you more. why? because then it is is easier to find something in common.
everyone has at lease one thing in common with eachother.
my mother prefers to communicate her feeling through physical contact.
i prefer to show my feeling through actions. (i.e., i try to show my parents that i love them by being a daughter they can be proud of)
i do not like telling people whose opinions i value about my achievements. i prefer they discover it on their own.
my sister is only happy when everyone else is happy.

to me, its like putting a puzzle together. everyone fits in just right. i just wish i could sit in heaven and see what the big picture makes.
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i really hate distributing information about me that could potentially show a weakness of mine. i want to be inpenatrable. i sure hope i spelled that right. thats why i dont tell anyone who i have a crush on or openly show my feelings about alot of things.
but i am a super animated and expressive person. if my vocal chords quit working, i could EASILY speak through my facial expressions and body language.
but you see, when you make it easy for people to read you when you want them to, its also easier to hide things.
>:)
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its had for me to trust people. im very protection of information.
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you will not hurt me. i bounce back. you cant keep me down. i always roll over and get back up. IWILLALWAYSKEEPGOING. ive proved it time and time again. i learn from mistakes and start again.
i am invincable.
buut that doesnt mean i cant get injured.
i will never break.
the only one who can prove other wise is Jesus Christ.

but no human being will ever get to me and tear me down. my wounds WILL heal. but i will persevere. i WILL prevail.
i am untouchable.

if you dont believe me, thats cool. the evidence is there.
but i wouldnt try to prove me wrong.

.

my mother's a great woman. my father's a great man. it seems like the universe has handed me a heavy torch to carry. Challenge Accepted.

one day, you will call me great.
or you will call my pursuit or it great.
just watch.

The Reason I Sigh

hmmmmmmmmmm......

im fifteen. but i feel sooo much older. most of my friends are older. im like trapped in this reality......i wish i had an escape. that i was 21. 
 you see, answering to parents is annoying. i would live in my car (if i had one...) if it meant freedom. that i didnt have to wait on everyone else to do something. to live. me myself and i...we make a good team. i can be alone for hours...but i love people. i love seeing and being with and helping people. but i cant. why?
because im fifteen. and i cant live on my own and drive places. its like being locked in prison with only three years till being free. i would gladly take on the responsibility that comes with great freedom.

 

Save The Date

soooo i have decided that i would be okay with not dating for the rest of my highschool career. seriously. i look at my previous relationships and i see them for the wasted time and unnecessarry hurt they have caused me. i mean, whats the point? im fifteen;chances are im NOT going to meet "the one" right now. whats they rush?! i dont NEED a boyfriend. im sure its not going to matter who i dated now when im 20. im tired of looking back at guys ive kissed with regret. its time to guard my heart. soo i guess ill just stay single :)

Human Beans

isnt it funny how the shortest of moments make the biggest of impacts?

like...that little look he gave me today in art. or when i said bye, he wouldnt let me leave until i said bye. or how he let me rest my chin on his shoulder. or how tall he is. or how blue his eyes are. or how sweet his smile is. or how he always looks just at me and smiles or laughs.

sometimes, i just want to lean in and kiss him.

:)

but that would be crazy. stupid decorum.

i just think it would be nice to not have to wait till im asleep to kiss him.

i also wish i wasnt some stupid girl who thinks like this.

that i would quit being soo sappy.

oh well.

im grounded from the computer again. >:)

you know, i dont know when this happened, but im finally invincable. people cant hurt me unless they attack me physically. human beings cant say anything to me anymore that will actually hurt.

theyve tried, but to no success.

suckers.

anywaysssssssssss.

isnt it funny how when i was little, i thought it was "human beans" instead of "human beings?"

heeheee :)

i think ill go read. and watch disney movies. think of him. text my bestfriend. sleep. and shower.

but then again, i never know what im going to do next.

band of the day- Avenged Sevenfold.♥

Zombie-the cranberries.

sometimes, i wish i didnt have a heart. cause then, id be truly invincable. i mean think about it, my heart could not be broken. i wouldnt ever feel this pain. but do you think it would truly be worth it, to miss out on this joy??? well anyways, my heart is the root of many of my problems. my heart betrays me. maybe i should substitute it, and share a heart with God instead?? His is big enough to support the both of us you know. :)

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

i would like to point out that i am DEATHLY afraid of heights. soo it seems stupid to me to even go to the stop of the building and even stupider to pay money.
but i know the answer: its to find different perspective; to see things in something besides first person. i guess to see the whole body of things, then focus on the details.

To Be Honest............

truth is, i dont truly spend any time on this earth. my whole conscious being is off in some made up world, where people can lounge all day in the sun, relaxing on golden clouds. my physical body is the only thing that holds me on this earth. my memories are divided into two sections: Reality and What I Wish Was Reality. if i ever sit still, thats because my nose is in a book, or my mind has wandered off to some mystical place.
do rainy days inspire you to be something mysterious? to light a candle, curl up in a dark corner, and read by its light?


it seems like time bends just for me. everything always works out just fine. To Be Honest, ive never truly worried once-not once!-in my life. it seems that everything always moving at a sleepy pace when times are good, but awakes at a start and sprints for its life whenever things are not well. its like i see everything out of body-like looking at a garden. but not only can i see the surface of the garden, i see straight through to the roots. i see how everything is connected. intertwined. i see the thoughts of others, the reactions, the situations....i see the puzzle come together. its a wonderful masterpiece.i learn everyday; i become wiser. i see things for the facts first, then deliberate over how i should interpret them. i dont want to grow into a bad person; i dont wanna waste my time nor others. i just want to thrive, and thrive by His means. I want to bring Him glory and i want to discover truth.

who will i be when i grow up?
i dont know. but i have a clue. have fun figuring out my mystery.

what do i desire most of anything in this world? i desire to live my life without having to ask permission to. i want school (all of school) to be over with...i want to be able to make my own choices. i want to make mistakes. i want to learn from them. im the type of person who HATES reading instructions because i much rather prefer the personal discovery of figure something out. because anytime you learn about something, you learn just a little more about yourself. i want to be independent. i NEVER want to give ANYONE enough power to hurt me.
but how can i if i want to love? there must be trust...but trust from me comes slow and after alot of thought. i am a fortress; only allies are allowed in.

i have alot of confidence. i am not cocky, arrogant, conceited....i just believe in myself. I will never quit. I will always go down fighting. I will earn my victories and my losses. Just try and stop me. because i am one determined little sucker.

i dont like splenda. to me, i would prefer the real deal (sugar) . not some knock off.

the only One who can break me is God. people have lost their power over me. there words do not hurt. they only reveal. the only way a human being can hurt me is if they are one of those i care about and i see them hurt. i cant stand seeing others pain.

i am not cold or indifferent. i care and love everyone, and i am very accepting. i truly dont care what people think of me. but i care the world and more about others. people are my life. i do as much as i can for them. if i can make someone's life better, then im there. even after everything screams that you are the last person on earth i should give a rat's buttox about, i will always and loyally be there. in half a heartbeat. i will never give up on you. because giving up on you would mean giving up on me.

i would like to live a life without regrets. but that will never happen. for as long as there are choices, for as long as i am human, for as long as there are options, there will be regret.

if youre looking for something, its not me. i will not complete you nor will i satiate you. But my God can.

Know your passions, know your heart. and make it to that it is obvious what those are. others should know where your passions lie. if they dont, then you are ashamed of your passions. plain and simple.

i want to make other people wish they were like me. i want to be the type of role model that parents approve of.

how can you know you believe in the Bible, and clame it to be true if you've never read it??? how can you base your life on the rules you've never read??

why not be different? why not prove something to you? why not see things a different way and be impractical?? i prefer my room messy. it seems like me. i want to stay true to myself, and i am not clean.

i will guard my heart with all ive got.if all else fails, that will be the one promise i will keep. they day i lose that is the day i lose myself. thats when you know i am gone. i came into the world with one thing, and that is the thing that i will give to the one my Lord has chosen to be my husband. my companion for life.

there is no one who i envy more than children. i wish for an untainted heart again, and for innocence. i wish to see the good in the world. i wish to be the good in the world. i wish to be forever a child.

walt disney is my hero.

i want to conquer myself. i want to respect what i see in the mirror, everytime i look at it. i want to stop comparing myself to other people, and just compare myself to the Perfect One. because i will never be perfect, thus i will never stop getting better. i hold infinity in my hands, and that is the infinitly impossible task of being truly Christ-like.

and that is only the beginning of Nicole Rita Sharp. more to come soon.