Startling.

independance.
why does that word mean so much to me? why is that something i want with my whole being? the thing i covet the most?
my weakness.
the thing i fear the most in the word is to ever give someone power over me, to EVER become even slightly dependant on someone.
i hate the feeling of losing freedom. i hate it when people know too much about me. like when they know something i didnt give them permission to know.
i feel like i see life as a battle; thinking and planning and acting in a strategic way. i guess its a good thing that i can not only see what is there without the lense of bias and selfish unawareness, but i can also see what can be, what will happen, and how to get to where i want to in the best way possible.
but just because i can see doesnt mean i always do.
but i usually do make the best of things.
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probabably my most favorite thing to do is sit back and observe. its the easiest to glean information. one thing i seek after the most is understanding. but i dont want anyone to help me understand-i'd much rather figure things out on my own. because i believe that when you have gone through the process of mastering something with out someone else purposely and consciously aiding you is when you learn about yourself and you begin to see things in a different light. there is less of a chance of you missing out on something.
but nothing is more beautiful than when a group of people come together after seeking wisdom in an area and try to understand it all over again. then true knowledge is created.and with that comes new ideas. and with new ideas come new solutions. and all of that can be used to appreciate God even more ardently.
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i love the things you can discover about a person just by merely paying attention. like for instance:
my dad is in a terrible mood on cloudy days. his mood is even worse on cold and cloudy days.
when you are open about your passions, people tend to like you more. why? because then it is is easier to find something in common.
everyone has at lease one thing in common with eachother.
my mother prefers to communicate her feeling through physical contact.
i prefer to show my feeling through actions. (i.e., i try to show my parents that i love them by being a daughter they can be proud of)
i do not like telling people whose opinions i value about my achievements. i prefer they discover it on their own.
my sister is only happy when everyone else is happy.

to me, its like putting a puzzle together. everyone fits in just right. i just wish i could sit in heaven and see what the big picture makes.
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i really hate distributing information about me that could potentially show a weakness of mine. i want to be inpenatrable. i sure hope i spelled that right. thats why i dont tell anyone who i have a crush on or openly show my feelings about alot of things.
but i am a super animated and expressive person. if my vocal chords quit working, i could EASILY speak through my facial expressions and body language.
but you see, when you make it easy for people to read you when you want them to, its also easier to hide things.
>:)
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its had for me to trust people. im very protection of information.
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you will not hurt me. i bounce back. you cant keep me down. i always roll over and get back up. IWILLALWAYSKEEPGOING. ive proved it time and time again. i learn from mistakes and start again.
i am invincable.
buut that doesnt mean i cant get injured.
i will never break.
the only one who can prove other wise is Jesus Christ.

but no human being will ever get to me and tear me down. my wounds WILL heal. but i will persevere. i WILL prevail.
i am untouchable.

if you dont believe me, thats cool. the evidence is there.
but i wouldnt try to prove me wrong.

.

my mother's a great woman. my father's a great man. it seems like the universe has handed me a heavy torch to carry. Challenge Accepted.

one day, you will call me great.
or you will call my pursuit or it great.
just watch.